Unexpected Development
by Irony sans Humor
Summary: Sometimes it's the things you take for granted that surprise you the most. Humorous time travel. Now with bonus content!
1. Unexpected

"Professor, I'm from the future," she told him fearfully and grasped at the chain hanging from her neck, "I believe that when I fell my time turner broke, sending me back twenty years into the past."

"Well of course," he nodded, as though something like this happened every day, which for all she knew it could have.

"Do you know how to send me back," she asked hopefully.

"Not yet," he shook his head, "But in a few months I'm sure we'll be able to send you home."

"What's to be done with me until then?" she asked.

"Why you'll stay here at Hogwarts of course!" his eyes twinkled disconcertingly.

"As a student?" she queried.

"Yes, we can't very well make you a teacher," he laughed before noticing her distressed look, "Ah, let me guess, you know some of your future classmates in the, ah, future."

"Yes professor," she nodded, "Some of them quite well."

"Then we shall have to disguise you then," he smiled.

"What if someone sees through the glamour?" she worried.

"We'll be using more than just glamour," he reassured her, "We'll be using muggle disguise techniques as well."

"Oh," her voice sounded small.

"What is your name Miss-" his voice trailed off, waiting for her to answer.

"Granger," she told him, chiding herself for forgetting to introduce her self properly, "Herm-"

"Wait!" he interrupted, apparently changing his mind, "I don't think I should have had you tell me that—messing with time and all. Besides, it would ruin the surprise."

"Surprise?" now she was confused.

"Of who you'll be!" his enthusiasm was infectious, "You obviously know me, which leads me to believe you are one of my students. Now, you obviously can't go by your own name, as someone will undoubtedly recognize it. So for the remainder of your time in this, ahem, time, you will be Harry."

"Harry!" she squeaked in disbelief.

"Yes, Harry Greene," he nodded to himself, "If you spend your time here as a-" there was a flick of his wand, "young man with sandy-brown hair, no one will ever suspect you when they meet you later as a stunning, and undeniably female, brunette."

It was that moment, she later realized, that she should have tried to override the irrational plan in favor of a sane one where she simply hid in some secluded corner of the castle without human contact until they sent her home. Instead she allowed herself to be thrown off balance by the complement, and before she knew it, she was being shown her bed in the Gryffindor boys' dormitory by an exhausted looking 17 year old Remus Lupin.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIII

It was months later and by dint of sharing a dorm with them, she found herself deep within the circle of friends that was known to everyone else as 'The Marauders'. She laughed with them, talked with them, studied with them, and even pranked with them—after all, it wasn't as though anything she did here could be held against her, right? It was fun and liberating, but at the same time a little frightening. And sad, she decided. Definitely sad, that she was sitting here laughing with the bright, young, and _happy_ people when they'd all be broken or- or _dead_ in a matter of years. It was in this frame of mind that she found herself sitting on a sofa with Sirius Black staring into the common room fire.

She was startled from her revere when she felt his fingers brush against her shoulder. Was it her, or was there something _suggestive_ about that gesture? No, she was imagining things. She looked up into his face and her mind froze like something belonging to a small frightened mammal. There was _no_ way she was imagining the look in his eyes. _This isn't happening!_ Her mind screamed, _He's **Sirius Black** and- and Oh Merlin! He thinks I'm Harry!_ Sirius's fingers brushed against her shoulder again and continued around her back as he moved himself closer.

"So, Harry," he asked, voice suggestive, "How are you liking Hogwarts?"

"It's alright," she admitted, voice small, "I still miss home though."

"Don't worry so much," he smiled, a finger running through her cropped hair, "I think I can help you to forget."

_Oh dear sweet Buddha! _She screamed internally, _Sirius black is hitting on me! Sirius Black is hitting on me and he thinks I'm a boy!_ It surprised her, she had always thought of him as a ladies man- back in the future she had always imagined him using his handsome features to charm young women out of their knickers. But she had to admit, that since she'd gotten her she'd once or twice had the treacherous thought that there _might _have been something going on between him and Remus, and maybe James.

When she didn't said anything about his last comment, and really how _do_ you respond to a comment like that, he began to nibble at her earlobe before moving his kisses down along her jaw line until he curved up to meet her mouth with his.

_Ye gods,_ she thought, _Sirius Black is **kissing **__me, he thinks I'm a boy, and I'm really, really enjoying this. _When she finally regained her senses, she pushed away, not out of his arms, which she'd somehow become entangled in, but out of the kiss.

"Sirius, mate" she asked, her voice sounding rather breathless, "What are you doing?"

"Kissing you of course," he laughed, before giving a slight frown, "I'm gay. I thought you knew, I mean Remus and I haven't exactly been flaunting it, but we aren't all that good at hiding…"

_I guess I was right about that one_ she thought. She opened her mouth to respond, but was finding it difficult with him sitting there, holding her, looking so damn sexy. What she wanted to do was kiss him and run her hands through that gorgeous black hair and –oh he was kissing her again. _This is nice_ she thought, giving into her desires, after all she'd be leaving in a few weeks and what she did here didn't really matter.

Then his hands started wandering, which was also nice only… only…only there was a reason this was a bad thing, if only she could remember—oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Baggy robes and short hair could only fool the eye: if this kept up, he'd manage to feel her 'assets,' although she wasn't feeling particularly aided by them at the moment.

She began to struggle slightly, to push him of. He lifted himself up on his elbows from where they'd ended up horizontal on the sofa.

"What is it," he asked with a pout. _Probably doesn't get turned down often_ she thought traitorously.

"Sirius, I've to tell you something," she bit her lip.

"Your first time with a man?" he asked, "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."

He leaned back in, but she pushed him back up, ignoring his frustrated growl.

"It's not that," she shook her head. He smirked, clearly not believing her. It all went back to that first day at breakfast when she'd told James that if he really wanted Lily to like him all that much he ought to just save her from some great evil, throw her over hiss white charger, and ride off into the sunset because deep down all girls are closet romantics. Ever sine then she'd been relentlessly teased about having been quite the ladies man back home, despite the fact she never showed any interest in the opposite sex-er, women- er, whatever. _He said **gay** she suddenly realized, not bi, gay. He's gonna be pissed._

"It's not," she insisted, "Oh, Merlin, I don't know how to tell you this," she bit her lip again before just blurting it out, "Sirius, I'm a woman."

She was out of his arms and on the floor faster than you could say heterophobe. He looked at her for a moment furious and shaking before realizing he'd never get the words out without waking all of Gryffindor tower. Instead he chose to throw her a death glare and stormed off.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIII

It was over a week later before any of the closely knit group deigned to talk to her. She found herself sitting on the same sofa, while staring into the same fire trying to concentrate on a book she'd been wanting to read when she felt someone plop down on the sofa next to her. When she looked over and found Remus Lupin sitting beside her. She was even more surprised when he put his hand on her thigh and whispered into her ear, "You know Sirius might be scared off by it, but I really don't mind."

It wasn't until he slid his hand a little further up her leg and gave her a squeeze that her mind registered what he meant. When she did, her eyes flew open and she hastily gathered her things, she was certain she was blushing.

"I've-I've got to go talk to Lily, goodbye," the words came out in a jumbled rush. He didn't seem to mind, he just gave her this smile that was half knowing, half seductive. She hated it. It made her knees weak.

"Hi, Harry," Lily looked up from the homework she was doing when Hermione slid into the seat next to her. "Is something wrong?" she asked, noticing Hermione's flushed face, "Only the boys seem to have been avoiding you while alternately ignoring you and attempting to kill you with their eyes, and I was wondering what happened."

"Nothing," Hermione squeaked, "Nothing, everything's fine."

"Really," Lily didn't look convinced, "Because I saw you talking with Remus just now and you look a little flushed."

"I'm fine," Hermione told her again, this time she was almost believable.

"Alright then," Lily decided not to push the issue, "I'm actually glad you came over, as I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" Hermione asked, certain that she had herself back under control.

"I wanted to know if you'd go with me to Hogsmead this weekend," Lily asked pleasantly.

"You mean, as a date?" Hermione prayed that she had heard wrong.

"Exactly," Lily smiled at her.

"Lily," Hermione began marveling at the irony of having to let her best friend's mother down gently, "I can't- I mean, you're a very nice girl, it's just…"

"This is about you being female, isn't it?" Lily stated matter-of-factly

"You know," Hermione felt as though her heart had stopped beating.

"You're good," Lily conceded, "But you aren't that good. If I can spot a werewolf trying to be a normal student, I can spot a girl trying to be a boy. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone."

"Then why?" Hermione was confused. It seemed to be happening a lot recently. It made her homesick; she was never this confused back in her own time.

"Because Potter seems to have forgotten I exist," she frowned.

"I thought you hated him," Hermione felt compelled to point out.

"I do," she sighted, "It's just, I miss it: the jokes, the teasing, the arguments, the demands that I go out with him. I was going to say yes," she leaned in to whisper, "But then he stopped asking, and I thought, what better way to make him jealous than to start dating someone else. Since you're a girl and all, I figured there'd be no romantic entanglements… unless, you aren-"

"No," Hermione assured her quickly, "I'm not."

"See then I wouldn't have to worry about hurting someone by using them like that. The only thing I was worried about was upsetting your relationship with the boys, but since that seems to be upset anyway... What do you say?"

"Lily, have you thought about what happens if _James_ knows I'm a girl," Hermione asked her.

"Ah, so that's what the problem is," Lily nodded, "No matter. It'll still make him jealous that I'm dating someone that _I_ seem to think is a boy."

"You really think so?" Hermione wondered.

"It's that or he'll spend all his time attempting to get us to agree to a threesome," Lily shrugged, "Either way, I get what I want."

It was fortunate that at that point Dumbledore decided to interrupt Hermione's rather impressive impression of a fish, as she wasn't sure she'd ever manage to recover from the shock on her own.

"Mr. Greene," he called from the portrait hole, "If you could come with me for a second."

"You wished to speak with me professor?" Hermione asked when they were alone in the corridor.

"Yes," he nodded, "It seems we have found a way to send you back."

Hermione felt that she could have kissed him for that announcement, but didn't, as it brought up more disturbing mental images than the thought of having a threesome with Harry's parents.

"How soon can I go," she asked, body strumming with relief.

"You want to leave that badly?" Dumbledore seemed a little disappointed, "I thought you were having fun."

"I was" she assured him, "But some Things happened and now I'm terribly homesick."

"Ah," he nodded, "In that case, you can leave as soon as you've said your goodbyes and gotten your things."

"I don't have any things," she reminded him quickening her pace towards the headmaster's Office.

"Mr. Greene," he said sternly, "I do not care how badly you miss your time, I will not let you leave without saying goodbye. Now as soon as you have, and I will know, come to my office and I'll send you home."

"Yes, Professor," came the sullen reply as she turned back to the common room.

On her way back through the portrait hole she ran into none other than Peter Pettigrew and Sirius Black.

"Where are you off to?" Peter asked, but after a glare from Sirius he added, "Not that we care or anything."

"I'm leaving," she told them, "I'm saying my goodbyes, so goodbye Peter," she gave him a quick hug and a peck on the cheek, he didn't seem to know how to react, "Goodbye Sirius," she turned toward him, but made no move to touch him, "I'm sorry."

She continued further into the common room and they turned to follow. She found James sitting on a recliner next to the fire. "Hi, James," she said, but he didn't look at her, "I just wanted to say goodbye. I'm leaving," he looked up at her then, "I'm sorry," she said again, but she wasn't sure why.

Finally se made her way over to where Lily still worked on her homework. "Hey, Lilly," she smiled nervously, "I'm leaving, so we won't be able to put your plan into effect," she hoped the redhead couldn't tell how relieved she was, "I just wanted to say goodbye, and it's been nice to know you."

"Oh, Harry NO!" Lily exclaimed a bit too loudly, jumping up from her chair to throw herself at a very confused Hermione, "You can't go! I think-no I know- I'm in love with you!"

By now the whole common room was watching them and Hermione had caught on to the ruse, "I'm sorry, Lily, it isn't something I can control," she sighed dramatically, "I must go."

"When _sniff_ when are you going?" Lily asked her tearfully.

"I only have enough time to tell you goodbye, I'm sorry," Hermione gently told the apparently distraught young woman.

"Oh, Harry, I'm going to miss you so much," Lily wailed before leaning in and giving Hermione a long slow kiss. _This is it_ Hermione thought_ Surely, I am going to die._ But she didn't, and the redhead released her lips but not her body. Lily remained with her arm wrapped around the other girl who was turning to address the room of astonished Gryffindors. She hoped they mistook her flushed face and look of abject horror as sadness and despair over having to leave her new lady love. No one seemed to be talking about it over much, other than James and Sirius who were arguing in a corner.

"I'm leaving," she told them, "I just wanted to say goodbye."

Then she left, Lily still following alongside. Remus Lupin was waiting for them at the portrait hole. There was a look in his eye that Hermione didn't want to contemplate. "Goodbye, Harry," he said with an ironic twist to his lips.

"Goodbye, Remus," she answered. And they were gone.

"Sorry about the whole kiss thing," Lily said as she disentangled herself from Hermione in the empty hall, "But I figured since we'd never get to put the whole plan in motion I could at least get some benefit out of it. And it worked! Did you see Potter's face?"

"He did look pretty upset," Hermione conceded.

"Upset?" she laughed, "He looked positively apoplectic!"

"Yeah," Hermione nodded as they arrived in front of the gargoyle, "This is where I get off."

"Well, bye, Greene," she grinned, "If that's even your name. It's been nice knowing you."

"You to, Lily," Hermione smiled as the other girl started to walk away. "Lily," she called, "It's Hermione. Hermione Granger."

"Pretty," Lily nodded, "I can't tell anyone, can I?"

"Not a soul," Hermione confirmed before walking up the stairs to the Headmaster's Office and into her own time

IIIIIIIIIIIIIII

AN: Thanks to anyone reading this, I'd appreciate any suggestions. I'm considering some sort of sequel, but so far I'm not sure if I will


	2. Interlude

Disclaimer: I don't own it. But I did come up with the plot.

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**Interlude**

"There's really nothing to worry about," she assured the two boys sneaking with her through the halls of the Ministry of Magic, "It's so simple I can't believe I didn't think about it before."

"Are you sure you don't want one of us to do it?" Harry asked.

"No," she shook her head, "The two of you have to haul us out, and I'd be useless at that. Just remember to keep the charms over your ears and do pull us out when I give the signal. You do remember the signal right?"

"Three tugs, two tugs, three tugs," Ron recited dutifully.

"Good," she nodded, "We're almost there."

The first thing she did when they entered the chamber housing the veil was hand each of the two boys a pair of earmuffs charmed to repel all noises. When these were in place she hooked one end of a slender steel cable around a pillar and the other end around her waist. She checked her wand and made sure she had the extra harness before going over the cable one more time. It was the strongest cable she could get hold of and she had strengthened it with numerous charms as well as a little bit of herself. Steeling herself she gave her two friends a thumbs up and walked through the arch.

_I can't believe I'm doing this_ she thought as she wandered through the weird and otherworldly terrain on the other side of the veil. Normally she would have gladly told her plan to Dumbledore and allowed someone else to go in her place, but not now.

It was her little trip to the past that had decided her. The little trip she still hadn't managed to tell her two friends about. Besides making her more receptive to her wild side, it left her feeling rather indebted to the man. Despite everything, the Marauders had welcomed her and made her feel less lonely: something not even Harry and Ron had done right off. She felt she owed them, all of them. She owed it to James to give his son his godfather back. She owed Remus his best friend. She owed Sirius his life. She owed Peter—ok, so she didn't owe it to _all_ of them.

But having known them, known _him_, she felt the need to rescue him herself. Especially as she wasn't sure Dumbledore would trust her on this issue, not when the solution was so… silly. Not when she told them all you really had to do not to get stuck in the veil was have a link to the outside.

_This is taking too long_ she decided. She felt like she'd been wandering around for hours. _Should have known he wouldn't be easy to find_ she thought, _He always was as stubborn git._

"Sirius Black," she yelled, "You come here right now!" Surprisingly enough, it worked. As soon as the echoes died down she heard him behind her.

"Hermione?" he sounded incredulous, "What are you doing here?"

"Getting you out," she told him matter-of-factly, "Now come here." Quickly, she fastened him to the cable alongside herself, "Now hold on. Whatever you do: Don't Let Go"

She grabbed the cable. Tug-Tug-Tug pause Tug-Tug pause Tug-Tug-Tug. Then she was heading back the way she'd come, dragging him after. Their speed began to increase as the boys outside began to pull franticly. Before they knew it they were flying from the archway as though they'd been thrown. They landed with a grunt on top of Harry and Ron.

"Oh, good" she sighed, feeling as though she'd just run a marathon, "Now all we have to do is make it out of the Ministry without getting caught."

The entire pile of people groaned at this thought before gathering up the rope, as well as the earmuffs, which had fallen off after the rude landing. When they had everything they set off for the outside world.

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AN: This is for everyone who read the first part and especially those who reviewed. I hadn't really intended to add any more but this little idea came along and I figured I'd just add it rather than starting a whole new story. Eventually (and I really do stress the word as I seem to be terribly slow) there will be a third part entitled "Consequences" about when everything in the first part comes out which should be funnier than this. Until then. I hope you enjoy this as much as you did the first part. 


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